I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
