I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
