Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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