these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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