hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
