Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
