I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
