i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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