So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
