I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
