I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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