I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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