I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
