There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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