and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
