We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
