you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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