I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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