Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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