that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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