a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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