found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
