you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
