Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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