It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
