I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
