I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
