The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
