Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
