.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
