While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
