Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
they need to just BURY HIM!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
