i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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