new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
