Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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