I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
