Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Randomize
