dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
