My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
