No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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