We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
