Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
