I only kidnapped one of them. chill
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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