When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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