he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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