I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
