just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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