I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
