I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
