apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
