I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
